Nothing to say

A friend just lost her sister, her younger sister to an overdose.
Damn it.
Shit!
Oh no!
AAUGH!!!!
While the tears formed in my eyes as I received the news, I had nothing to say but expletives in my head.
NO!
Not her!
Not them!
Fuck!!!
Later, I wrote to express my love and condolences to my friend, she said something so nice. She told me, “You always say beautiful things.” I thought to myself… no, I don’t.
When loss and pain overwhelm us, I wonder if anyone has beautiful things to say. When our hearts are torn, and our empathy brings on a heavy wave of grief, is there anything eloquent to offer? If our hearts are open and our brains aren’t controlling the dialog, is there anything lovely on our lips?
All there is to be shared are moans, sighs, tears.
Maybe that’s why expressing sympathy is hard or sometimes comes out as some commonly repeated platitudes. Because all we have inside are loud, un-utterable noises.
To my friend and her family, my heart cries with you. I’m so sad for this loss. I have nothing to offer but my tears, my love and a loud, resounding, pointless, “Nooooo!”